Common Ground

How it works

From first message to a proper first date

Slower than an app, and deliberately so. Every step exists because it removes somebody you would rather not have met.

  1. 1

    You register your interest

    Use the form and tell us as much or as little as you like. We reply within two working days and offer you a call at a time that suits you, including evenings. Nothing is charged for this and nothing is committed to.

  2. 2

    We interview you

    An hour or more, in person wherever we can manage it, otherwise by video. Your work, your week, your marriage or your divorce, your children if you have them, your faith if it matters to you, and what you honestly want from the next twenty years. We also ask the awkward questions: what ended the last one, and what part of it was yours.

  3. 3

    We check that you are who you say you are

    Photographic identity, address, and confirmation that you are single and free to court. We look at professional background too. Anyone who turns out to be married, attached or misleading about their circumstances is taken off the register immediately and not refunded.

  4. 4

    You join the register

    Choose a term that suits you. From that point your matchmaker is looking for one person, not filling a quota, and you are considered for every suitable member who joins after you as well.

  5. 5

    One introduction at a time

    We describe each of you to the other, in words, with our reasons. No photographs are circulated and no contact details are passed on until you have both said yes. Then he telephones her, asks her out and makes the arrangements. First meetings are somewhere public, in the early evening or over lunch.

  6. 6

    We ring you both afterwards

    Honestly, we would rather hear that it was awkward than have you be polite about it. Feedback is passed on gently and never as a verdict. What we learn goes straight into the next introduction, which is why the third one is usually better than the first.

  7. 7

    You take it from there

    If the two of you want to keep seeing each other, we step back and stop making introductions to either of you. Say the word and we pause your membership so none of your term is spent while you are courting.

The house rules

What everybody agrees to

These are the conditions of being on the register. They are short, and we do enforce them.

  • Be genuinely single, free, and honest about your circumstances.
  • Be here for a lasting relationship, not for company on a Friday.
  • Say yes or no to an introduction within a week, so nobody is left waiting.
  • Turn up when you said you would, and telephone if you cannot.
  • If the feeling is not there, say so kindly and directly rather than going quiet.
  • Keep what you learn about another member to yourself.

What we mean by courting

  • He makes the first invitation and plans it
  • He books the table and settles the first bill
  • A telephone call beats a week of messages
  • Flowers are not old fashioned, they are just nice
  • Intentions are stated early and plainly
  • Nothing is rushed, least of all the physical part

None of this is about a woman knowing her place. Our women are consultants, head teachers and business owners with strong opinions. It is about courtesy, effort and being clear what you are asking for.

Ready when you are

Step one is a message. Everything after it happens at your pace, and you can stop at any point.

Register your interest